A fear of uncertainty comes up a lot in my work with my clients. This is because there is so much potential for uncertainty on the journey to pregnancy, birth and motherhood. From figuring out whether you actually want kids or not, to playing the waiting game until you find out if you’re pregnant, to wondering how your pregnancy and birth will go. It’s almost like the Fairy of Uncertainty has been sprinkling her dust all over the place!
The truth is, we all experience uncertainty in our lives, some people more than others. But we don’t all struggle with it in the same way. In fact, some people thrive on uncertainty. This might be hard for you to believe if you struggle with it, but it’s true.
The fear of uncertainty
Those that truly hate uncertainty will have tried to create a life for themselves that minimises uncertainty as much as possible.
It’s logical to assume that if you hate uncertainty that you have a fear of it.
If this is the case then you might do things like;
- book the same hotel in the same holiday resort every year
- do the same thing every Christmas/thanksgiving/other festive tradition
- visit the same shop/cafe everyday for your work lunch (and probably order the same thing)
- take the same running route/drive or walk to work
- visit the same restaurant/cafe each time you go out for food
- wear the same make-up whenever you dress up / go out
You might be doing some of these because you feel that “I’m just trying to save time/effort” or “I just know what I like/what works: why waste time/money trying anything new?” but I suspect a fear of uncertainty is at the root.
On the other hand, if you’re comfortable with uncertainty then some of those things on my list might make you recoil in horror. In fact, you might thrive on uncertainty and seek it out. Perhaps you like taking risks or having new experiences or variety in your life. Or maybe you just get bored easily.
The truth is, many of us many of us do actually like uncertainty.
We love uncertainty… REALLY!
We think we hate uncertainty and the unknown, but a part of us loves it.
I bet you love the uncertainty of what’s beneath the wrapping of a present.
We call this a surprise and who doesn’t love a good surprise?
I bet you love the uncertainty of the plot of a good thriller novel or film.
Everyone hates spoilers, right?
We love the uncertainty that comes with love.
The journey of love is magical. Certainty would kill this magic in its tracks and we wouldn’t want that.
We hate certainty
It’s a hate for the known that lead people to vote for Brexit.
We hate the certainty that comes from being in a repetitive or mundane job.
The boredom can be soul destroying.
We hate knowing the plot twists of a great TV show or film that we haven’t yet seen.
Nothing spoils a whodunnit like knowing who did it.
We hate knowing the bad results of a medical test.
Probably the worst kind of certainty.
We hate the certainty and knowing that comes with crappy relationships we want out of.
More soul-destroying certainty.
We hate knowing the results of a sports match we haven’t yet seen.
And yet some people re-watch matches. I have no way of comprehending this!
We’d hate knowing the day of our death.
Actually, we LOVE uncertainty
If we knew how everything would pan out in advance we’d hate it. But do we acknowledge this? Do we acknowledge that there are aspects t uncertainty that we love?
Uncertainty give us hope.
Hope that things could be different.
The story of our lives is still being written, just as it always is.
Right now, we’re just in the middle of a plot twist and we don’t know how this bit is going to turn out.
But we never really know.
You thought you knew a year ago, and yet how wrong you were.
How wrong we all were.
Imagine if all the doom and gloom you’re contemplating right now is equally wrong.
You might be on the brink of the most exciting plot twist of your life.
But you might miss it.
Uncertainty is exciting.
Uncertainty is hope.
Perhaps the secret to coping with uncertainty is to embrace it and enjoy it.
But this can be very difficult when we fear it. The fear and the emotion gets in the way and we get stuck in negative thinking. Fear does this; it takes you straight to the worst-case scenario.
What if you went to the best case scenario instead?
Again. Not an easy one to do if we are overcome by fear of uncertainty.
This is why using the Head Trash Clearance Method to clear ‘uncertainty’ and ‘not knowing’ is a good idea.
Doing so will help you to let go of the emotion you feel around uncertainty and not knowing, and you can start to see new perspectives. New perspectives that might just help you to see things differently and better cope with these uncertain times.
How to let go of the fear of uncertainty
To clear the fear of uncertainty using the Head Trash Clearance Method, you have three options;
1. Clear it yourself – DIY style
You can find the Head Trash Clearance Method in my book Fearless Birthing or Clear Your Head Trash. Simply follow the instructions to clear this in yourself. The clearance process takes around 30-45 minutes and you can shift how you feel very quickly. Of course, it’s possible that there might be other aspects to your fear that you might need to work on.
Things like ‘being unprepared” or making the wrong the decision often come up too. If they do for you then simply work on those too.
2. Let me do it for you – Use my Fear Clearance Meditation
I’ve created a fear clearance meditation that will help you to clear it. My fear clearance meditations are like having a private session with me, except you can just listen to it whenever you like. The clearance meditation I recorded is to help you to lose the emotion (fear, anxiety and stress) you feel around uncertainty and not knowing.
Just head over here to buy your fear clearance meditation.
A version of this post was originally posted at clearyourheadtrash.com right here
Alexia supports families planning pregnancy and birth. She helps them to overcome their fears and feel calm and confident about birth and pregnancy.
Alexia also trains birth professionals in the Fearless Birthing, a unique approach to birth preparation that is ideal for those who have fears around birth.
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