Fear of birth is big bloody deal. In two ways;
- The sheer number of women who experience it. Research tells us it’s around 80%. Thats a LOT!
- Being fearful sucks big time. Especially when your fears are strong or phobic.
Tokophobia is the extreme fear of pregnancy and birth, and this is said to affect up to 14% of women. Again, that is A LOT of women! People who suffer from tokophobia can be scared of either pregnancy or birth, or both. A fear of parenthood also crops up quite a lot too.
All this talk of fear and you would think that fear is the main problem here. And while that’s true, it’s not the whole picture.
Fear is not the only problem
Sure, there are some obvious fears that crop up. Fears like;
- a fear of pain
- fear of dying in childbirth
- fear of being ill or injured as a result of going through pregnancy or birth
But in my experience these make up quite a small aspect of those suffering from a fear of birth, or tokophobia.
Internal conflicts are the real problem
The other aspect that people don’t fully realise is that birth fears are also the result of a lot of internal conflicts. Conflicts like these;
You want to be pregnant and you DON’T want to be pregnant.
You want freedom; freedom to choose (what birth I want), freedom to decide (whether I want to be a parent). But you also feel you have no choice; (society expects me to be a mother, I can only consider a c-section because the alternative is terrifying.)
You’re conflicted between your desire for freedom and choice, and your feelings of being told what to do, and how that makes you feel like you have no choice. This makes you feel trapped. These feelings of trappedness feed the fear of being trapped (in pregnancy, during labour, with kids) which exacerbates it all.
Societal pressure makes you feel like everything is unfair and that there is no equality between the sexes (men don’t have these expectations thrust upon them, men don’t have to go through with pregnancy or birth). Which in turn reinforces your sense of lack of choice.
As you can see, fear is a huge part of this, but it’s definitely not the whole story.
Fear is not the whole story
Conflicts is where most of the trouble lies.
To successfully free yourself of your birth and pregnancy fears, it’s important to explore the conflicts you’re experiencing.
I call these your flip-flops, because you quite literally flip-flop between one extreme and the other. You want both, or fear both (one lesser than the other maybe). Both these extremes hold your attention and focus, and you can’t let them go or consider any alternative viewpoints or perspectives. And it’s this that keeps you stuck.
These conflicts are different for everyone but there are consistent themes for sure.
If you’re using Head Trash Clearance – the technique I developed and that I share in my book Fearless Birthing and Clear Your Head Trash – then these conflicts will be where you get the most bang for your buck in terms of effort and results. It’s these conflicts that help to prop up your fears.
This is what can make overcoming birth fears so tricky for many, especially for those suffering with strong fears or tokophobia.
The problem most people face in overcoming their fears
The problems many people face in overcoming their fears is two-fold;
- Knowing that it’s about fear AND conflicts.
- Knowing WHAT The conflicts are.
In the years I’ve been working with women in helping them to overcome their birth fears and tokophobia, these are the themes that always show up;
- Control
- Freedom
- Choice
- Change
- Uncertainty
- Health & Illness
Each of these themes include fears and conflicts which need to be healed in order for birth fears, and conditions like tokophobia, to collapse and disappear.
Now perhaps you’re reading this and thinking “Gee Lex, that’s great. But what ARE the things I need to clear then?”
If that’s you, keep reading. I have just what you need.
I want to make it easy for people to be able to overcome their fears on their own. I believe that it’s important that we take charge of our emotional and mental health. Being empowered to make changes to how we feel is part of that. If you’re fearful and don’t want to be, then you should be able to do something about it (if you want to of course!).
So I wondered if it was possible to come up with a definitive clearance list for peeps with tokophobia. If I could, wouldn’t that be the best to-do list ever?!
The definitive list of things you need to clear to overcome your fears
One day I was feeling curious and I decided to review all my client notes from the last seven years to see what fears and conflicts came up the most. What was interesting was how similar peoples’ clearance lists were.
So I made a list. A big EPIC list of all the clearance items on everyone’s list . Then I put a mark by each one for each time it appeared on someone’s list to come up with the ultimate clearance list for people with pregnancy and birth fears, and tokophobia.
Then I organised this list by theme (choice, change etc) and wrote out all the clearance scripts for every single thing that needs to be cleared in that theme.
The result is the Pregnancy & Birth Fear Clearance Starter Pack.
This starter pack includes the top 10 fears. For the full list of 30, you need to buy the pack extension.
The Ultimate Pregnancy and Birth Fear Clearance List
This list of 30 clearances include the most common fears and conflicts that have enabled my clients to ditch their strong and phobic fears in a matter of weeks during our one-to-one work together.
I would say that clearing the 30 items on this list would help over 80% of people to ditch their fears completely. So why not 100%? Well, that’s because we’re all different. As I said earlier, some people fear pregnancy and not birth, some fear motherhood. There are nuances to our fears that are unique to us.
Some people worry more about the weight gain of pregnancy, whereas others have health anxieties that dominate. Some people worry about how their relationship will change, whereas others worry more about their independence and professional life. All of these will contribute to how someone feels about pregnancy and birth, and that means they need to be explored and maybe cleared.
So what could I do about this?
Read on…
Why stop at pregnancy and birth fears?
Once I’d finished creating all the pregnancy and birth ones, I just kept going. One thing I know for sure and it’s this: when people start getting results with their pregnancy and birth fears, they can’t help but wonder about other aspects of their life:
- “Could I use this on my OCD?”
- “Could I use this on my struggles with weight loss?”
- “What about my health anxieties?”
It’s what I did, and it’s what a lot of my clients do.
And the answer to this is a big fat YES! Of course you can use head trash clearance on other aspects of your life.
So I continued to compile clearance scripts and audio tracks and adding lots of new themes. By expanding on my definitive list, it meant that I could also help the 20% of peeps to successfully tackle ALL OF THEIR FEARS.
The result is The Clearance Club, a vault of clearance scripts and tracks organised by theme including all sorts of life themes, including parenting, losing weight and health anxieties. And I keep adding to it all the time.
The Clearance Club is a monthly membership which means you only pay for as long as you need to. This is brilliant because it acts as a motivator for you to crack on with your clearances. The more you clear, the quicker it takes and the less you pay.
One lady joined and she was a total badass. Megan dived in feet first and managed to get rid of her depression AND her tokophobia in only two months.
Two months!!!! Amazing, right?
How one lady ditcher her tokophobia AND depression in 2 months
Here’s how she did it in her words;
“I did daily clearance work for around 2 months, and now I do clearance work a few times a week.
It got me from the worst depression I’ve ever faced, having constant panic attacks, not eating,
and not wanting to do anything but lay in bed all day crying to where I am today. My wife and I are now trying to have a baby through IUI.
I feel like you have taught me a life skill that I can use on any fears I might have in the future.
You are truly changing lives!!
Thank you, Thank you, THANK YOU!!!”
If you want to join the Clearance Club, then head over here.
Which one is right for you?
Perhaps you’re wondering, which is best for you: Fear Clearance Starter Pack or The Clearance Club?
Fear Clearance Starter Pack
- Price: $30 (for the top 10 fears) $29* for the pack extension (20 additional fears) – For the full list it’s $69*.
- Ideal if you want to dip your toe in and have a go.
- No time pressure. Just take your time in doing your clearances,
Interested? head over to www.fearclearancepack.com.
The Clearance Club
- Monthly subscription $29* per month
- Access to over 1000+ clearances across a wide range of themes including all the pregnancy and birth related themes
- Remain a member for as long you are clearing.
Find out more at The Clearance Club.
NOTE: *Prices correct at time of writing but may be subject to change.
Alexia supports families planning pregnancy and birth. She helps them to overcome their fears and feel calm and confident about birth and pregnancy.
Alexia also trains birth professionals in the Fearless Birthing, a unique approach to birth preparation that is ideal for those who have fears around birth.
- In-Utero & Birth Imprint Trauma: The Hidden Factor Shaping Pregnancy Anxiety, Birth Fears, and Beyond - 14th February 2025
- Could Your Own Birth Be Shaping Your Fears About Pregnancy and Birth? - 12th February 2025
- We’ve Got Tokophobia All Wrong – And It’s Hurting Women - 12th February 2025
