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Imagine if all your worst birth fears came true.
What kind of birth experience would that be?
It would be easy to think that this could be the most terrifying birth experience ever. And for some it might well be, but in today’s episode I’m sharing a story that shows that it doesn’t have to be. Today’s positive birth story is from Grace who was a big fan of the podcast during her pregnancy.
Grace got in touch with me because I put a call out to my email list asking for case studies to feature in my book; I was looking for women who had used my fear-clearance method to prepare for their birth. “I used your head trash clearance and I must say I’m so glad I did!”
By the time I finished reading Grace’s email, I knew I had to get her on the podcast because this wasn’t your typical birth story of a birth going just as the mother wanted. Instead it’s a story of all her worst fears coming true and culminating in her ultimate worst birth fear; the emergency c-section. Her story is a remarkable example of the WHY it’s important to do the emotional and mental preparation during your pregnancy and BEFORE your birth.
When it comes to birth, there are no guarantees. Sure we can tell ourselves that we’d love the calm water-birth at home by candle-light, or the lovely birth centre birth surrounded by loved ones. But just because that’s what we want doesn’t mean that’s what we get. And as with all things in life, it’s not necessarily what happens to you that matters the most; it’s how you respond to what happens to you.
This is what makes Grace’s story so inspiring and it has lessons in for all of us.
Read her email for yourself;
“I did use your head trash clearance and I must say I’m so glad I did!
About a year and a half before I found out I was pregnant, my sister had her first baby. Her story was quite horrific. Her baby was breech and she ended up having to have an emergency C-section. She was devastated. I didn’t realize how worried I was about this very thing happening to me until I was about 6 months pregnant and began searching for and clearing my head trash. More than anything, I wanted an all natural labor and birth outside of a hospital. I had a birthing center picked out and was ecstatic to experience labor and birth at in it’s most raw form. After several weeks of digging out and identifying my fears, the fear of having to go to a hospital and worst of all having a C-section kept showing up. I will say that I had to work on this fear daily and although it became easier and easier to manage my head trash, this one was the most difficult.
My labor contractions began at 6am on Jan 12th, 2016. They were small period like cramps and I didn’t think much of them at first. After an hour or two and they weren’t going away, I realized what was going on. My contractions were about a minute every 5 minutes right from the beginning. I went about my day, even went to the gym and attempted to workout until I stood up and felt a little gush of something (it was my water leaking out). After that my contractions became a little stronger but stayed about 5 minutes apart. I was elated! I was going to meet my baby so soon! I felt nothing but joy and although at times I was uncomfortable, I didn’t have any trouble running a few errands, packing some items for the birthing center, eating some lunch and then relaxing and waiting for my husband to get home. He arrived home around 4pm and we headed to the birthing center about an hour away. By this time my contractions were about 3-4 minutes apart and pretty strong. Again, my fears and worries that I had experienced during my pregnancy were no where to be seen! We arrived to the birthing center around 5:30pm and we were shown to an exam room. They confirmed that the fluid I was leaking slowly was indeed amniotic fluid. My midwife felt my stomach and decided that baby was head down. She then asked me if she could check my dilation. I said yes and she stated I was 4cm dilated. I was a bit disappointed that I wasn’t further along, but still too excited to care much. After checking me, she said she felt something odd, possibly a hand over the baby’s head and most likely nothing to worry about, but suggested that we get an US to confirm. 30 minutes later we were at the hospital down the road. My fears of having to go to a hospital were rearing their ugly heads and using meditation and your clearance method, I was able to keep them in check. The US technician came in and my husband and I were all smiles, still excited about this day we’ve been waiting for for so long.
The next words I heard came to me like a huge punch in the stomach, “breech.” My worst fears were unfolding right before my eyes and I felt more than helpless to control them. Over the next few hours my husband and I would experience and endure the very things we didn’t want in our birth, IVs, monitors, Epidurals, NPO status, hospital personnel in our room constantly and so much more. For the first hour or so I have to admit that I was frantic and I felt so very helpless to defend myself against my fears. I went through so many emotions and I can’t recall trying to control the horror that was unfolding before me. It wasn’t until we were in the OR for our attempted version that I realized what was happening to me. I was allowing my fear of what was now my reality to consume me. Right then and there everything changed. I went into a world that consisted of only me and my baby girl. I spoke to her and I could have sworn that baby spoke back to me. I told her I was so sorry that mommy had been so afraid and that everything was going to be alright. I told her that if she didn’t want to move she didn’t have to. I told her that I love her more than anything in the world and that I was so excited to see her beautiful face. When the version didn’t work, it was ok! I really was ok with it! Actually I was excited again. I was all smiles and happy tears. We were going to meet our little girl sooner than we thought and we were absolutely, head over heels EXCITED about it!
The C-section was not scary. I was not afraid anymore. I was happy. Within 15 minutes I held my baby girl. She was perfect!
Every time I tell this story I feel so empowered. I am so thankful that I prepared my mind beforehand. I don’t know what would have happened if I hadn’t!
Thank you for all you do!”
Every time I read that I get tears. And when I listen to it too! But if you really want to cry with joy, just watch her birth video. When she went in for her c-section the consultant said they couldn’t video. But one of the team offered to take pictures for her. But instead of taking pictures he took a video! And it’s just brilliant!
I hope you enjoy listening to Grace telling her story.
If you’re fearful of experiencing complications – and to be honest, who doesn’t have that fear? – then I hope that listening to this gives you hope that experiencing complications or your worst birth fears doesn’t mean you can’t have a positive or empowering birth. But for that to happen you need to invest your time upfront in the prep. Grace used the Head Trash Clearance Method which is the fear-clearance technique that you learn inside the Fearless Birthing Academy. The Fearless Birthing Academy is my online programme that helps you to tackle all your stresses and fears and claim your positive birth experience.
If you want to try out a lite version of the 5 Step Head Trash Clearance Method, you can get hold of it within the Fear Free Childbirth Member Area which you can join for free below. If you find you get on with it, then you can either buy the Head Trash Clearance Method course or join the Fearless Birthing Academy. These are both available for you to check out in the Fear Free Childbirth Member Area.
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About Grace
My name is Grace, I am 27 years old. I have been a Pediatric ER nurse for 5 years. I have been married to my amazing husband (Rory) for 4 years. We have a hound dog named Dallas and a 1 year old named Zoe. I am passionate about enriching every aspect of my life including my health, relationships, spirituality, career, intellect, etc. My family and I have been living a Paleo lifestyle for the past 4 years. We enjoy exploring new ways to make REAL FOOD taste delicious! So I have started a YouTube channel based around my passion for health. It’s called “Passionately Paleo.” I have so much awesome content to share with the world including every day delicious recipes that everyone can enjoy as well as easy, delicious and nutritious baby food recipes!
You can find Grace in all the usual places: Website – YouTube – Facebook – Instagram – Pinterest
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Alexia supports families planning pregnancy and birth. She helps them to overcome their fears and feel calm and confident about birth and pregnancy.
Alexia also trains birth professionals in the Fearless Birthing, a unique approach to birth preparation that is ideal for those who have fears around birth.
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- Overcoming Birth Trauma: Heather’s Journey to Positive Birth - 14th December 2023
Her “ultimate worst birth fear” was an emergency c-section? Really? Gee, my worst birth fear would be a dead baby or dying in labor. Why do so many women put so much importance on a vaginal birth? Having a c-section is nowhere NEAR the worst thing that could happen.
Hi Shannon,
All our fears are different. They were her fears and so they are valid. I think to judge them like that is unfair. Someone might question your fears, but that doesn’t make them less so for you. It’s important that we support women through these experiences and not pull them down or judge them.
Alexia