1. You want to be fixed
I’m not a fixer. And I have no interest in fixing you.
Asking someone else to fix us is handing over our power to others. It’s like saying “I can’t do this, you do it”.
But I’m saying you CAN do it.
Sure, you might not know WHAT to do. But that’s what I’m there for. To guide and support you, and to show you how.
You CAN do this yourself and I can help you to do it.
If you have an inherent belief that you can’t do this, even with guidance and support, then we’re definitely not going to be a good fit.
2. You want a therapist
I’m not a therapist. I’m a therapeutic coach. This means that I work very differently to a therapist.
I help people to achieve a goal, and if there’s anything standing in the way, then I help to get rid of it using therapeutic techniques.
As far as tokophobia goes, the goal might be something like “to be excited at the thought of pregnancy/birth” or however you might prefer to express that. The things that stand in the way are typically fears and emotional conflicts.
The coaching bit refers to HOW I do this.
I help you get rid of all those fears and emotional conflicts. But YOU do it. I coach you through it and I provide you with the tools, techniques and support for you to do this yourself.
For me this is a much more empowering way of working. When I finish working with my clients, they know that they did this themselves. And that means they could do it again whenever they want or need to.
That gives you a sense of confidence like nothing else. And if you want to be a mother, this is going to help you a ton.
There is no needy energy here. You ’needing’ me to fix you. Me ’needing’ you to book in for a weekly therapy session.
3. You have a clinical mental health condition
See previous point. I am not a therapist or clinical psychologist.
So if you
- have an anxiety disorder
- are clinical depressed
- have PTSD
- are on medication for your mental health
… or indeed anything else that has been diagnosed a clinical mental health condition then I am not for you.
My approach works best with people whose tokophobia is an isolated condition, and that it’s not part of a collection of other mental health conditions.
If you’re stressed or anxious because of life, then that’s fine. We all have stress and anxiety going on. I often support people in overcoming their anxiety. Often it’s the tokophobia that feeds the anxiety. Many of my clients tell me that if they didn’t have the tokophobia then they wouldn’t feel as anxious.
Outside of my work in this area, a lot of my work is in working with clients in helping them to reduce the stress and anxiety in their life and to find confidence, calmness and clarity. Peace. Happiness. And all that lovely stuff.
My focus is forwards; helping you to live the life you want.
4. You’re not prepared to do any work
Clearing tokophobia my way requires you to put time and effort into doing the work. If you’re not prepared to do that then please walk on by.
Your fears and emotional conflicts aren’t going to go away on their own.
Just talking about how you feel isn’t going to get rid of your tokophobia either. If it did, then we’d all be aware of the ‘cure’ for tokophobia. But apparently there isn’t one.
I’m not saying doing this work is easy emotionally, because for some it’s not.
And that’s why I’m here to support them. I’m at the end of email. We have calls together. I send little video messages to motivate and inspire them to keep going.
Thank you for my little video, happy dance! It put a huge smile on my face, just what I needed last week. listening to your advice again made me feel looked after 😁. I just love your little tips.
5. You want a guarantee
In life there are NO guarantees. Ever.
You book a holiday but that doesn’t mean you get it. Perhaps the holiday company goes under. Or there is an air strike.
You put your money into a guarantee interest-rate account. The bank folds and you lose it all.
You buy a TV and it glitches. I could go on.
But nowhere is this more true than matters of the mind. Any coach or therapist that guarantees results is someone you need to be wary of.
I CANNOT guarantee results
There are few reasons for this.
My techniques and tools might not work for you. This happens. Just as with medicine… it doesn’t work for everyone. And we won’t know that until we start.
But for me the biggest reason is this one; I cannot guarantee whether you will show up and do the work (see previous point).
How do I know you will? What guarantee will you be giving me that you will meet me half way?
6. You want to do this on the cheap
Some people think my prices are high. Some people don’t.
How much value you place on changing how you feel?
The truth is, it’s not about the money.
Many women come to me saying they’re considering adoption or surrogacy. Well these things don’t come cheap either. But they’re more than 15x more expensive than my work. So if you’re seriously considering these as options then it’s not about the money.
And let’s not forget the price of raising children. It’s estimated to be upward of £250,000 by the time they reach the age of 18.
So let’s not pretend this is about the money. It’s not.
Money is just an excuse
If you genuinely have no money in your bank account and you have the will. Then you can follow the instructions in my book for the price of 2 coffees. If this is still too much money for you then just know this: money is an excuse.
In the past, I’ve made the mistake of trying to help with this by offering discounts or extended payment plans. Let me tell you what happens in that situation. Another excuse is found. Or, if they do sign up, they don’t do the work. And so they don’t get the results.
So why would I lower my prices if I know that it means you won’t get the results you want? I’d be an idiot. Not to mention I’d be devaluing myself and my work. And no client is worth that.
Money is just the excuse that’s presenting itself today. There’ll be another one tomorrow. That’s tokophobia. This fear is very strong and does a brilliant job of keeping you stuck with it. So it provides you with lots of excuses not to move forward.
When we want to change, we need to take action and look past the excuses. It takes a leap of faith. Only you can find that leap of faith.
- How partners can support women during pregnancy & birth, with Souvereign - 22nd August 2022
- Scared of birth? Fear is not the only problem. - 1st December 2021
- How to clear your fears yourself - 28th May 2021