7 Behaviours During Pregnancy That Can Affect Your Baby
Alexia cleared her own tokophobia and developed a method that has helped women clear theirs for more than 10 years.
Are you wondering how your behaviour during pregnancy affects your baby?
I hope I can shed some light on that for you.
I know, I’ve been there. When you’re pregnant you’re bombarded with so much information about what you should and shouldn’t do that it can be hard to have a guilt-free day.
The last thing I want to do is add to that noise, but I’d like to offer a slightly different perspective. Some of what follows is backed by research, some comes from books and stories that moved me, and some is my own belief. I’ll tell you which is which.
If you prefer, you can hear me talk through this post as a podcast by clicking the play button below.
Here are seven ways your behaviour during pregnancy can affect your baby.
1. Smoking and drinking alcohol
It’s widely known that smoking and alcohol can harm your baby. Smoking reduces the oxygen reaching your baby and is linked to babies being born smaller and earlier. The UK Chief Medical Officers advise that the safest approach in pregnancy is not to drink alcohol at all.
What I didn’t know until after my pregnancies was what researchers had seen happening to the baby at the time the mother drinks.
This isn’t about piling on guilt, you know me by now. It’s about being conscious of what we do.
Alcohol and your baby’s practice breathing
Babies make breathing movements in the womb, practising for life outside. Studies in the late 1970s and 1980s found that when mothers drank a small amount of alcohol, these practice breathing movements stopped for a while and only returned once the alcohol had cleared.
I never knew this when I was pregnant. If I had, I think I’d have stayed off alcohol completely.
Alcohol around the time of conception matters too, as drinking then can increase the risk of problems with the baby’s development. If you need support to stop smoking or drinking, your midwife or GP can help.
2. What you eat before you conceive
Diet is important when we’re pregnant. The healthier our diet in pregnancy, the better for mum AND baby.
But what about just before you become pregnant?
There’s good evidence that your diet before and around conception also matters for your baby’s growth and development.
Two well-known studies looked at this: the Dutch Hunger/Famine study on babies born during the Dutch famine of 1944–45, and more recently a British study in Gambia which found differences in adult health and life expectancy depending on the season people were born.
In the Gambia study, researchers think one key reason was the food available to mothers during pregnancy, as families lived off the land and ate what was in season.
3. What you listen to and hear
Babies begin to hear in the second trimester, and by the third trimester they respond to sounds consistently.
There are lots of stories of babies kicking hard during loud concerts or noisy films. One mum told of leaving a cinema showing a Vietnam war film, and another of intense kicks during Raiders of the Lost Ark.
Many mums notice their babies prefer calm, gentle sounds
Your baby gets used to your TV and music. Research shows newborns recognise sounds they heard often in the womb, such as a TV theme tune.
Singing to your baby. Many parents find the songs they sang in pregnancy help calm their baby after birth. I did this with my second baby, and it worked for me!
In the book The Secret Life of the Unborn Child, a conductor describes how certain pieces of music felt familiar the first time he played them. He later found out that his mother, a cellist, had spent hours practising them when she was pregnant with him.
4. What you feel, they may feel
Stress hormones such as cortisol can cross the placenta, so your baby is affected by your body’s stress response. Ordinary ups and downs are part of every pregnancy and nothing to worry about. It’s long-lasting, intense stress that researchers are most interested in.
I believe babies prepare for the world they’re about to be born into, and that if they sense a lot of fear or stress, they ready themselves for that.
Some studies have linked high stress in pregnancy with a higher chance of the baby developing eczema or asthma. My mum was super stressed when she was pregnant with me, and I had both! (I still do.) That’s one story, not proof, but it’s one reason I care about this.
5. What you think
This is my belief rather than something research has shown, but I believe babies pick up on our inner thoughts, a bit like a radio playing in the background. Whether they take those thoughts on is something else.
Here’s a story that made me think. A mum came to me for help with her three-year-old daughter, who wouldn’t eat at home, saying she couldn’t, but ate happily at nursery.
When I asked about her pregnancy, she said it was fine apart from the morning sickness. I asked what kinds of thoughts she’d had about it:
“Oh well, I couldn’t eat anything! It was horrible, it lasted ages… I couldn’t face eating anything.”
I can’t prove a link, and there could be many reasons a toddler is a fussy eater. But it made me wonder whether her daughter had picked up on those thoughts about food.
There’s one more thing I want to touch on.
Talking to your baby about how you feel
Lots of pregnancies are a surprise, and it’s completely normal to have mixed feelings, or even to think I don’t want this baby at first.
If that was you, please don’t feel guilty. When you’re ready, you might like to talk to your baby and tell them they’re loved and wanted. Many mums find it helps them as much as the baby.
6. How you speak
Your baby hears your voice more than any other sound from outside the womb, and newborns recognise their mother’s voice.
The French ear specialist Dr Alfred Tomatis believed babies are more attuned to high-pitched sounds. Whether or not that’s right, it’s a nice reason for dads and partners to get up close to the bump and talk to the baby.
Dr Tomatis also believed the tone of a mother’s voice affects how her baby feels about it. There isn’t research to back that up, but it seems to me that a calm, soothing voice is likely to be pleasant for your baby.
7. What you say
I believe our babies understand us in their own way when we speak to them, though I can’t prove it.
Do you speak to your baby?
Speaking to your baby is a lovely way to connect and bond. And if you assume they DO understand, it can help you feel less silly.
I talked to both my babies while I was pregnant, and believing I was being listened to added a whole new dimension.
I say dialogue because I would have conversations, and my daughter’s responses would almost show up in my mind. Who knows where they came from, but I never questioned it.
I hope this list encourages you to think about your pregnancy in a new way, but I certainly don’t want to lay a load of guilt at your door.
Did anything on this list surprise you?
Related posts
If you’re interested in a conscious approach to your journey to motherhood, you might like these posts:
Conscious Conception and Pregnancy, with Jane Jennings
The Psychology of Pregnancy, with Leah Butler-Smith
How to enjoy a conscious pregnancy, with Julie-Anne Mullan
A Conscious Mama’s Birth Story
Pregnancy and your baby: FAQs
Does stress during pregnancy affect my baby?
Sustained, unmanaged stress can – research links it to effects on a baby’s developing stress-response system. The key word is sustained: ordinary ups and downs are part of every pregnancy and nothing to fear.
Can my baby feel my emotions in the womb?
Your baby shares your biochemistry – stress hormones and feel-good hormones alike cross the placenta. Babies respond to voices, music and your state of calm. That’s an invitation, not a guilt trip: moments of calm and connection count.
Should I feel guilty about feeling stressed or anxious?
No. Guilt just adds another layer of stress. What matters is having ways to come back to calm – and getting support if anxiety has taken hold rather than passing through.
What helps most during pregnancy?
Addressing the fears and stresses themselves rather than managing around them. If anxiety or fear has taken root, fear-first birth preparation works on the cause, not the symptoms.
Keep reading
- In-utero trauma and birth imprints: the hidden roots of fear
- Could your own birth be shaping your fears?
- What happens if you don’t prepare for birth?
Fear Free Childbirth is a publication and is not a substitute for medical or mental-health care. If you’re struggling to cope or in crisis, please contact your GP, midwife or a qualified professional.
- When a Wanted Pregnancy Ends: TFMR, Grief and Pregnancy After Loss, with Sabrina Fletcher - 6th November 2026
- Birth Imprints: Why You Might Fear a Birth You’ve Never Had, with Nicole Moore - 6th November 2026
- A Healthy Baby Doesn’t Mean the Birth Wasn’t Traumatic: What New Research Shows - 23rd October 2026
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very nice post..!very informative..
Thank you Farah! I’m pleased you found it informative.
Alexia
i just had an argument my voice was on top,i felt so guilty after then i googled and found this article feeling a little disappointed but more informed,so i guess i have a little making up to do to baby kai maybe some lullabies
Hello Natanja,
Don’t fret too much about arguments – this is part of human life. Being exposed to the whole spectrum of emotions is healthy. It’s when babies are overly exposed to the negative and stressful that I think we need to be mindful of.
But more lullabies will never hurt – go for it!
Alexia
Hi Alexia… it was really a wonderful piece of information from you. Currently am 22 weeks pregnant and I too had stressful and depressed days as my husband is working abroad and i do not feel to be given more importance at times. May be its just my mind…but as soon as i realize that all my emotional feelings do have an impact on my baby, i was totally feeling guilty and sorry for my baby, but now am trying maximum to stay cool. Hope the changes i make from now onward will help my baby to be calm and relaxed as he grows.
Hi Nisha, Happy to have helped! I totally understand how you feel. I thik it’s important to realise that the “normal” range of human emotions – whatever that is! – the daily ups and downs of life, are not problematic. Your baby needs to learn how to experience emotions. The important thing is how you deal with it; you’re in effect teaching them how certain emotions are dealt with. The potential issues come from long-term or chronic stress or depression. So you finding ways to deal with your situation are very helpful – for you and for your baby. I hope that helps!
Alexia
I don’t agree with this advice and know many people who believe the same as I do. Parents should never argue in front of their children because they need to see their parents united and have confidence in them, not to feel torn and heartbroken. So it makes sense that the parents should expose the unborn child to as little arguing as possible, to assure the child that he comes into a peaceful environment. Obviously they can disagree on things, but every effort must be made for both to be loving and charitable to one another. And that is how they should be all the time, in fact.
As for exposing the child to “the whole spectrum of emotions” is not healthy. Some emotions are inherently unhealthy and drive people to do perverse and evil things. Violent emotions are not good, for the most obvious example.
I appreciated this article at any rate.
Hi Casey,
Thanks for dropping by and letting me know.
I think there is a lot of value for children in seeing their parents argue – arguments and disagreements are a way of life and it’s important for children to be exposed to it in a safe environment. The magic comes when the children see how the parents make up, apologise and get back to the loving place once the argument is over. These are important life skills. If children see a sugar-coated experience and arguments are hidden, they are not being well-prepared for the real world. Of course, this depends on HOW people argue. Obviously, some people argue badly and it can become violent and I don’t encourage that at all, but we can’t dismiss all disagreements because some people do it badly.
I agree that some emotions are unhealthy but we can’t say that emotions make people behave in a certain way, because the emotion is not necessarily the same as the expression of that emotion. Yes, people express their emotions badly at times, but others don’t. It’s not about the emotion per se but how that particular individual is expressing that emotion. I hope that makes sense!
thanks for a great conversation!
How ridiculous. An unborn baby can’t read your thoughts, to say they know if you feel you don’t want them is ridiculous, cruel and just you trying to shame a woman for feeling normal thoughts during an unplanned pregnancy. Awful article.
It’s not ridiculous at all. In fact, it’s well documented. Perhaps take some time to get informed instead of wasting your energy dissing articles that have done the research on your behalf.