How Unhealed Tokophobia Can Affect You In Unexpected Ways
Alexia healed her own tokophobia and developed the method she used to do it – and has helped women clear theirs for over 10 years.
In this article:
I want to share with you a true story that illustrates the shocking impact of unhealed tokophobia and how it can unexpectedly affect your life. It’s a tokophobia recovery story that’s a little bit different. Well, VERY different! For a start it involves a lady who’s in her late 60s! I was truly taken aback by the profound impact that tokophobia had on her life. This wasn’t just about her decision not to have kids. This was much more far-reaching than that! This fear can stifle our ability to birth not only children but also dreams, projects, and relationships.
The surprising impact this fear had on JJ’s life left me in awe of the complexities of our subconscious fears and their influence on our actions. And once JJ had embarked on the process of healing, she experienced incredible transformations! The kind that really only comes about once we confront and address our fears.
JJ never knew that she had tokophobia, because she’d never heard of it
Tokophobia, the fear of childbirth, can have a shocking and surprising impact on your life if left unhealed. JJ never realised she had tokophobia until she heard me speak during a presenter’s meeting at UK Health Radio.
The minute she heard me describe how tokophobia felt for me, she realised that THIS was EXACTLY what she had experienced over 30 years ago when she was pregnant. Like me, she lost her baby at around 7 weeks. But, because of how she felt when she was pregnant, she made the decision to NEVER get pregnant. JJ never knew that she had tokophobia, because she’d never heard of it. But the impact that it had on her entire life is shocking. And I don’t use that term lightly.
The Far-reaching Consequences of Unhealed Tokophobia
I never really appreciated the far-reaching consequences of unhealed tokophobia. From the unexpected ways it can hinder our ability to create and birth new ventures, to the surprising transformations that can occur once we begin the journey of healing, we delved into the complexities of this deeply rooted fear. One of the most compelling aspects was unraveling the connection between tokophobia and our capacity for creation.
Discovery of Tokophobia and Journey to Healing
JJ, a healer in her late sixties, realised she had tokophobia when she experienced sheer terror upon discovering her pregnancy. This fear was deeply rooted and had profound consequences, including the stifling of her ability to create and birth anything in her life.
Despite losing her baby early in pregnancy and making the decision to never become a mother, the fear continued to impact her life in unexpected ways. As a creator and a healer herself, JJ found herself unable to bring her many ideas and projects to fruition, leading to deep frustration and a feeling of being stuck.
Not sure whether what you feel is tokophobia?
If you recognise yourself here, it can help to see where you actually sit. The free Tokophobia Test takes about five minutes – no pressure, no scare tactics.
Take the free Tokophobia Test › (Provided by our partner Fearless Birthing.)
Healing and Transformation
Upon realising her tokophobia, JJ embarked on a journey of healing. Despite initial fears of change, she dove into doing the inner work necessary to heal her tokophobia. The impact of this healing work was truly transformative. Within just six months, JJ experienced a dramatic shift in her ability to create and birth new ventures in her life. Her projects, which previously lacked traction, began to take off, and she found herself effortlessly accomplishing tasks that she had long struggled with.
The impact of healing tokophobia extended beyond just the fear of childbirth, unlocking JJ’s creative potential and empowering her to pursue her dreams. It was truly eye-opening to witness the remarkable shifts that occurred in JJ’s life after embarking on her healing journey. The way in which she began to create, manifest, and actualise her aspirations left me inspired and hopeful for anyone who may be experiencing a similar struggle.
Listen to JJ share her story
Here is when I first spoke to JJ about tokophobia when she invited me onto her UK Health Radio show. Alchemy 101 – JJ Stenhouse – Tokophobia And here is my latest conversation with JJ, six months later;
Do you have tokophobia?
If you think you might have tokophobia – the extreme fear of pregnancy and childbirth – then head over her to find out more about it and how you can heal from it START HERE: I think I have Tokophobia And, if you you would like my support in overcoming tokophobia, then here are the ways we can work together; Tokophobia Support Program: my most popular program for women who want to conquer tokophobia. Fearful to Fearless: my in-depth program for those who want extra support in conquering tokophobia.
Where to go from here
Understanding what you’re dealing with is the first step. The free Tokophobia Test takes about five minutes and tells you what you’re facing – no pressure, no scare tactics.
When you’re ready to stop carrying this on your own, the Tokophobia Support Circle is a small monthly membership where women who understand work through it together, with a live group call each month. For focused one-to-one help, there’s the Tokophobia Support Programme.
Both are run by our partner site Fearless Birthing – founded, like Fear Free Childbirth, by Alexia Leachman. You can also read Alexia’s books, Betrayed By Your Biology and Fearless Birthing.
Tokophobia questions, answered
Can you have tokophobia without realising it?
Yes. Many women live with it for years without knowing it has a name – often putting their feelings down to “not being maternal” or general anxiety.
What happens if tokophobia goes unhealed?
Left unaddressed it can shape relationships, intimacy and life choices, not just decisions about pregnancy. Naming it is often the turning point.
How do I know if I have tokophobia?
The free Tokophobia Test takes about five minutes and helps you see whether what you’re feeling is tokophobia – and what to do next.
About the author: Alexia Leachman overcame her own tokophobia – and in the process developed the Head Trash Clearance Method, the approach she now uses to help women clear their fear of pregnancy and birth. For over a decade she has worked with women around the world and trained perinatal professionals to do the same. She is the author of Betrayed By Your Biology, a book on tokophobia and reproductive anxiety, host of the Fear Free Childbirth podcast, and is often described – by the women she works with and by the podcasts that invite her on – as a world expert on tokophobia. More about Alexia ›
Fear Free Childbirth is a publication and is not a substitute for medical or mental-health care. If you’re struggling to cope or in crisis, please contact your GP, midwife, or a qualified professional.
Read next:
- Tokophobia: everything you need to know
- 7 signs of a woman with tokophobia
- Who’s the Tokophobia Support Circle for?
Alexia supports families planning pregnancy and birth. She helps them to overcome their fears and feel calm and confident about birth and pregnancy.
Alexia also trains birth professionals in the Fearless Birthing, a unique approach to birth preparation that is ideal for those who have fears around birth.
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