Fear Free Childbirth Is Growing Up: Why My Voice Isn’t Enough
By Alexia Leachman, founder of Fear Free Childbirth.
Alexia healed her own tokophobia and developed the method she used to do it, and has helped women clear theirs for over 10 years.
Fear Free Childbirth started with me and a newborn I was breastfeeding on my lap, trying to figure out what this show was about while I was doing the show. It was all very make-it-up-as-you-go-along.
Ten years on, it needs to bloody grow up.
So here’s the announcement I trailed in the last episode. Fear Free Childbirth is expanding beyond the podcast into a publication, an online magazine for reproductive mental health: reproductive fear, reproductive anxiety and reproductive trauma. I’ve asked JJ Stenhouse, one of my co-hosts on Tik-Tokophobia, to join as editor in chief. And if you’ve ever wanted to share your birth trauma story, or your story of fear or anxiety around any of this, and have it handled with care, this is now the place to do it.
What I’ve realised in ten years of doing this is that the conversation is so much bigger than what I can bring to it. And so much more than my story, which is what started it.
In this article:
Why my voice is not enough
Yes, I’ve had my experience of tokophobia. But what I know now is that the tokophobia experience varies wildly across women. Mine is just one of many, and I don’t want it to limit the conversations we can have.
So I want to widen what we talk about. I really want to dive into matrescence, that transition we go through as women from maiden to mother, and what it means for your sense of self and your identity. What I’m observing in a lot of the women I work with is that their fear and anxiety around whether to become a mother is often less about the birth and the pain of the birth, and more about the identity piece. Do I want to become a mother? What does becoming a mother mean? Am I up for letting go of who I currently am in order to be this mother thing?
Because then look what society does to mothers. We’ve got a real challenge on our hands around the way mothers are perceived and treated.
There are lots of incredible people doing great work on matrescence. I am not one of them, and that shouldn’t limit the conversation. The same goes for fertility. I’ve worked with women on that journey, but it’s not my bag and I don’t want to be the one holding that conversation back.
And the experiences of Black and brown-bodied women. That’s not my journey either, so I want to make sure we speak to it properly, and there’s an episode coming up in this series on exactly that.
Reproductive trauma, fear and anxiety deserve to be covered in their entirety, however women are experiencing them, because it isn’t always around the event that is a birth.
Why I always said no
For the last five, ten years I’ve had a lot of people asking to write for me and share their story. I always said no. I’d have people’s stories on the podcast, but never on the website, because that was where I was selling my own work. Having other people writing on what was essentially my personal website didn’t feel right.
So I’ve taken myself off the website in that sense. If you want to work with me now, you head over to Fearless Birthing or Head Trash. Fear Free Childbirth is now purely content around reproductive fear, anxiety and trauma, and the people who have been asking to write for me are getting a yes.
That includes women with a story to tell, and you can be anonymous if you want. It also includes the professionals. A lot of therapists are encouraged not to have a public platform, so they’re full of insights and ways of supporting women with nowhere to share them. Then there are the doulas and midwives and all sorts of fantastic birth professionals I want to open the doors to.
Somewhere to read at 2am
I’ve had so many emails over the years from women who can’t sleep. It’s the middle of the night, they’re awake, and they search. They find me because they type “I want a fear-free childbirth” into Spotify or their podcast app. They’re looking for help at a time when they feel vulnerable.
Reading things that speak to you, that understand you, is one of the first things that can help you feel better at 2am. That’s what I want this to be: the first port of call, where you can find good content with editorial standards behind it.
That’s the rigour JJ brings. She had tokophobia herself until a few years ago, when we met and cleared it. Her background is journalism: television, newspapers, magazines, as a writer, a sub-editor and an editor. She was also my editor on Betrayed By Your Biology. It’s got its big girl pants on now, and that’s why she’s here.
JJ made a point I loved: not everyone has time for a podcast. A publication means you can dip in and out quietly on your own, maybe with a cup of tea, and think, right, what does so-and-so say about that?
In time I’d like there to be directories of professionals too, so when you need support at 2am there’s a list of people right there.
What you won’t find is pregnancy tips. I am done with pregnancy tips. This is for the thinking woman, the one who recognises there’s more going on and wants someone to speak to her like an equal. When I was reading around this topic I sometimes felt patronised, or mansplained to, and I do not want that here.
If you’re the one awake at 2am
The free Tokophobia Test takes about five minutes and gives you a clearer picture of what you’re facing. It works whether or not you’re pregnant, and whether or not you intend to be.
Take the free Tokophobia Test › (Provided by our partner Fearless Birthing.)
How to share your birth trauma story without passing it on
Every piece we publish will follow RAD Responsible. It’s an initiative I’ve come up with: a storytelling standard to help us write about birth and pregnancy in a way that helps the reader and doesn’t set off her nervous system.
You see a lot of content these days with a trigger warning stuck on the front. I don’t think that’s helpful. We can write in a way that’s contained and gives context.
I also think it helps to write your story once you’ve come out the other end and processed it, even if you haven’t fully healed, so you’re not passing your rawness on to somebody else who might be raw too. We have a responsibility here. In the work I’ve been doing I’ve seen how much of the problem comes from what women see in films and on TV about birth, and then there’s the Wild West of social media, where a lot of content is hard to stomach for a woman who is going through any reproductive trauma or fear.
So I want this site to be a safe zone, a place where you can come and read, learn and become informed, knowing you’re not going to fall into a pit of terror reading something.
As JJ put it, this is responsible editorial policy for a delicate subject, and opinions are welcome. Every piece goes through a proper editorial process, and some won’t make it. That’s how we make sure we’re serving women and not doing them a disservice. If the standards sound daunting, don’t be put off. It’s about being mindful of how your words will land with someone else, and JJ will talk you through it.
Rants welcome
If you’re a therapist, a doula or a midwife and you want to write an opinion piece about what you’re seeing on the front line, or what’s changing, please do. If you want to have a rant, have a rant. You can do it anonymously.
My goodness, we rant all the time, don’t we? And this is an area where you deserve to. The whole maternal mental health and maternity system needs a good sorting out. As JJ said on the episode, women are silenced, and belittled when they make a point. She’s hormonal, she’s emotional. I’m done with all of that. The gaslighting is incredible.
When you give yourself permission to rant, there’s sometimes gold in it. Maybe a movement comes out of it, maybe an initiative. I love a good rant. So if you want to rant, let’s rant together. (And if you’re published here, there’s a little badge for your own website.)
Where the podcast fits
For now there’s this new series, which we’ve just kicked off. Beyond that I don’t know. Maybe other people come in and do guest episodes, maybe there are guest hosts. I’m more than happy to explore it.
The big idea is to open the remit, invite other people in and be louder, so more women can be reached and supported, and we can hold each other together in a collective way. I’ve got some big dreams beyond that, and I’m up for whatever.
The site has a new look too, so go and have a look. If something’s missing or you’ve got suggestions, I’m all ears.
This is a space by women, for women, to help us move on, feel stronger and more in control, and have agency over what’s going on. It’s bigger than what I can do on my own. So send us a pitch, an outline, a finished piece, a story. We’re up for it.
Questions I get asked about this
How can I share my birth trauma story with Fear Free Childbirth?
Send it to the editorial team through the write for us page. You can send a finished piece, an outline or just the idea. Every submission goes through an editorial process built on the RAD Responsible storytelling standard, and not every piece is accepted.
Can I share my story anonymously?
Yes. Alexia says so on the episode. Women can tell their story without their name on it, and professionals can write anonymous opinion pieces too.
What is RAD Responsible?
It is a storytelling standard Alexia created for writing about birth, pregnancy and reproductive trauma in a way that gives the reader context and containment, rather than leaving her more frightened. In practice that often means writing once an experience has been processed rather than while it is still raw.
I’m a therapist, doula or midwife. Can I write for Fear Free Childbirth?
Yes. Expert and opinion pieces are exactly what the publication is asking for, from any angle in the field, including what you are seeing on the front line. Submissions are checked and edited before anything is published.
Where to go from here
If you’ve got something to say, we want to hear it. Pitches, outlines, finished pieces and stories all go through the write for us page, or email hello@fearfreechildbirth.com.
If you came here for yourself rather than to write, the free Tokophobia Test takes about five minutes and tells you what you’re facing: no pressure, no scare tactics.
When you’re ready to stop carrying this on your own, the Tokophobia Support Circle is a small monthly membership where women who understand make sense of it together, with a live group call each month. For focused one-to-one help, there’s the Tokophobia Support Programme.
Both are run by our partner site Fearless Birthing, founded, like Fear Free Childbirth, by Alexia Leachman. You can also read Alexia’s books, Betrayed By Your Biology and Fearless Birthing.
About the author: Alexia Leachman overcame her own tokophobia, and in the process developed the Head Trash Clearance Method, the approach she now uses to help women clear their fear of pregnancy and birth. For over a decade she has worked with women around the world and trained perinatal professionals to do the same. She is the author of Betrayed By Your Biology, a book on tokophobia and reproductive anxiety, host of the Fear Free Childbirth podcast, and is often described, by the women she works with and by the podcasts that invite her on, as a world expert on tokophobia. More about Alexia ›
Fear Free Childbirth is a publication and is not a substitute for medical or mental-health care. If you’re struggling to cope or in crisis, please contact your GP, midwife, or a qualified professional.
Read next:
- Fertility treatment trauma and loss: a psychologist’s view
- The identity shift no one can prepare you for
- Tokophobia: everything you need to know
Alexia supports families planning pregnancy and birth. She helps them to overcome their fears and feel calm and confident about birth and pregnancy.
Alexia also trains birth professionals in the Fearless Birthing, a unique approach to birth preparation that is ideal for those who have fears around birth.
- Fear Free Childbirth Is Growing Up: Why My Voice Isn’t Enough - 9th October 2026
- Ten Years On: Why I Nearly Shut It All Down - 9th October 2026
- Challenging the Maternity System: Collective Voices, Activism, and Building a Better Birth Experience, with Mars Lord - 9th October 2026