My Tokophobia Story – the birth of all this!
Alexia healed her own tokophobia and developed the method she used to do it – and has helped women clear theirs for over 10 years.
I didn’t know I was living with tokophobia – until my body and mind made it impossible to ignore. If you’d asked me in my thirties whether I was afraid of pregnancy, I’d have told you I was far too busy building my career to think about babies. I wouldn’t have called it fear. I certainly wouldn’t have called it a disorder. And yet, when that pregnancy test turned positive, I felt nothing but overwhelming terror and darkness. There wasn’t even room for rational thought — just a sense that I needed to disappear. That’s why this episode of Tik-Tokophobia matters so much to me, and I hope it matters to you too. Because too many women move through life with this invisible fear, convinced it’s “just anxiety” or that they’re somehow flawed. If that’s you, you’re in exactly the right place. I see you, because I’ve been you.
What We Talk About in This Episode
In this honest and (sometimes) emotional episode, I open up about my very first encounters with tokophobia: how it showed up, how I missed the signs, and how it changed me. I share the inside story — the side no one sees when you’re still functioning on the outside, but feel like you’re falling apart within. If the words “fear of pregnancy and birth” make your chest tighten, or you’ve ever avoided baby conversations altogether, you might recognise yourself in my story. I don’t sugar-coat it: there are tears, there are moments of deep confusion and relief, and there’s ultimately hope for healing.
Key Themes We Explore
Real Fear, Not “Just Anxiety”
I spent years thinking I was simply struggling with anxiety or still grieving my mum. No doctor, book, or friend ever named what was happening as a real fear around pregnancy and birth. If you’ve ever blamed yourself, I want you to hear this: tokophobia is real, and it’s not your fault.
Relief After Loss — And The Guilt That Follows
One of the hardest parts of my story? After miscarrying, I felt relief instead of heartbreak. That sense of guilt and confusion — “what is wrong with me?” — is something I know many women feel but are afraid to admit. This episode is a safe space to name those feelings, without shame.
Isolation and Silence — The Hidden Impact
I couldn’t talk about pregnancy, babies, or birth — even with friends. Instead, I buried myself in work, convinced myself I didn’t want children, and kept my fears alone. If you’ve found yourself distancing from “mum friends” or feeling like an outsider, you’ll know just what I mean.
How I Finally Got Free — And Why I Share This Now
It wasn’t a quick fix or a book from the pregnancy aisle. No amount of hypnobirthing or well-meaning platitudes shifted my fear. It took discovering practical, mindset-based tools, a willingness to try (and experiment), and, crucially, learning I wasn’t alone. Eventually, I healed my tokophobia — completely — and went on to have not one, but two fear-free births. I talk openly about what helped and what didn’t, so you can see there really is another side.
Why Naming It Matters — For All Of Us
Once I learned the name “tokophobia”, something shifted. Suddenly, I wasn’t broken — I was part of something bigger, something other women were living too. That’s why I started speaking out, and why this podcast exists. We can’t heal what we can’t name.
A Space Where You’re Seen
If you’ve ever sat in a doctor’s office, been told to “just try hypnobirthing” or “have a c-section”, and left feeling more lost than before… please know this: you are not broken, you are not weak, and you are definitely not alone. Tokophobia affects more women than most people realise, and invisible suffering like this deserves understanding, care, and real solutions. This is a companion to my story, but your story matters too. If you find yourself in anything I’ve shared, or if you’re just relieved someone has finally put words to it, I hope you’ll listen to the episode and let yourself be part of this conversation. I cried recording this, and there are moments in this episode that are raw. But there is hope threaded through it, too — because if I can move past this fear, so can you. 👉 Listen to the episode here
You deserve to have your fear acknowledged, and to know that healing is possible — whatever your story. With warmth, Alexia x
Where to go from here
Understanding what you’re dealing with is the first step. The free Tokophobia Test takes about five minutes and tells you what you’re facing – no pressure, no scare tactics.
When you’re ready to stop carrying this on your own, the Tokophobia Support Circle is a small monthly community where women who understand make sense of it together, with a live group call each month. For focused one-to-one help, there’s the Tokophobia Support Programme.
Both are run by our partner site Fearless Birthing – founded, like Fear Free Childbirth, by Alexia Leachman. You can also read Alexia’s books, Betrayed By Your Biology and Fearless Birthing.
About the author: Alexia Leachman overcame her own tokophobia – and in the process developed the Head Trash Clearance Method, the approach she now uses to help women clear their fear of pregnancy and birth. For over a decade she has worked with women around the world and trained perinatal professionals to do the same. She is the author of Betrayed By Your Biology, a book on tokophobia and reproductive anxiety, host of the Fear Free Childbirth podcast, and is often described – by the women she works with and by the podcasts that invite her on – as a world expert on tokophobia. More about Alexia ›
Fear Free Childbirth is a publication and is not a substitute for medical or mental-health care. If you’re struggling to cope or in crisis, please contact your GP, midwife, or a qualified professional.
Read next:
- Tokophobia: everything you need to know
- 7 signs of a woman with tokophobia
- Who’s the Tokophobia Support Circle for?
Alexia supports families planning pregnancy and birth. She helps them to overcome their fears and feel calm and confident about birth and pregnancy.
Alexia also trains birth professionals in the Fearless Birthing, a unique approach to birth preparation that is ideal for those who have fears around birth.
- 16.5% of Women Fear Birth Enough for It to Shape Their Lives: The Numbers - 14th July 2026
- When Fear Takes Over: The Abortions We Don’t Talk About - 30th September 2025
- Tokophobia and Relationships - 22nd July 2025