What Is Tokophobia, Really? Beyond “Fear of Birth”

“I didn’t even know tokophobia was a thing… until my whole life started making sense.”

For most of my adult life, I thought there was just something wrong with me. Why didn’t I light up around babies? Why did the thought of pregnancy make me feel not just uneasy, but overwhelmed by a sort of terror I couldn’t put words to?

It wasn’t until I had been working with women on birth fear for years — and piecing together my own journey — that I realised: this wasn’t ordinary anxiety. It was tokophobia. And it had been quietly shaping my choices, relationships, and even my sense of self, all along.

If you recognise yourself in any of that, you’re not alone. That’s exactly why we created the Tik-Tokophobia podcast: to name what most people can’t, and to make this invisible fear feel seen.

What is Tokophobia, Really?

In our very first official episode of Tik-Tokophobia , “Understanding Tokophobia”, I sit down with my cohost JJ to peel back the layers of what tokophobia actually is — and how it goes so much deeper than “a fear of pregnancy”. Together, we share our stories of discovering this condition (well into adulthood, in JJ’s case!), and talk about why so many people live for years, even decades, with this hidden anxiety.

This episode isn’t a list of symptoms or a string of textbook definitions. It’s real life — the stories, struggles, and “aha!” moments that finally connect the dots.

What You’ll Find in This Episode

1. The “Invisible” Fear That Shapes Your Life

We talk about how tokophobia isn’t always the obvious cold sweat at the thought of birth. Sometimes, it’s never having the “kids” conversation with a partner… or feeling mysteriously out of place around babies. It can show up as automatic avoidance — so hardwired, you might not even see it’s there. Both JJ and I share how these patterns played out in our own lives, and how recognising tokophobia changed everything.

2. Why This Is Not Just “A Women’s Issue”

One of the big myths we tackle is that tokophobia only affects pregnant women, or those thinking about having children. The reality? If you’ve been born — in other words, all of us — the echoes of birth trauma and reproductive anxiety can ripple through life in ways you’d never expect. The fear isn’t just about pregnancy. It’s about identity, creativity, relationships, and feeling “other” without knowing why.

3. The Roots Are Deeper Than You Think

This isn’t about wilting at the sight of a medical drama or worrying you’ll lose your figure. Tokophobia goes straight to the core: trauma, survival, body memory. We dig into how your own birth, your mother’s pregnancy, even unhealed pubertal shame, can all feed this fear — often without a single conscious memory. JJ’s story of discovering terror at seeing a positive pregnancy test, and my own river-without-a-bridge analogy, are stories I know will resonate for many.

4. Why No One Knows the Numbers

We discuss what’s broken about how the medical world “counts” tokophobia. Research mainly comes from maternity clinics — missing everyone who never comes close to pregnancy in the first place. The true scale? Probably far higher than the world realises. If you thought you were alone, or that “no one else feels like this” — please believe me, you are not.

5. The Relief of Naming It

The simple act of saying “this is tokophobia” — and realising it’s not your fault — is powerful beyond words. We talk about what happens when you finally have a name for what you’re living with, and why that’s the first step to healing (whether motherhood is in your future or not).

You’re NOT Broken — You’re Human

If you’ve ever dodged a conversation about kids, felt a wave of panic in a baby aisle, or wondered why everyone else seems fine when you’re just… not, I hope this episode helps you breathe a little easier. You’re not “cold,” “strange,” or “selfish.” You’re not alone, and you are absolutely not broken.

Whether you’re just discovering the word tokophobia, or have been turning it over in your mind for ages, we made this for you. You might hear your story in ours — or, at the very least, feel just a little more understood.

🎧 Listen to the full episode here:

This companion post is just a glimpse of what we cover. The conversation itself goes much deeper, with raw moments, dry humour, and plenty of hope if you’re ready for it.

Take what feels true for you, and leave the rest. You deserve understanding, answers — and a way through.

With warmth,
Alexia x