“I Didn’t Know I Had Tokophobia — Until It Changed Everything”

If you’d told me years ago that fear of pregnancy would become the defining thread running through my work, my conversations, and — if I’m honest — my healing, I wouldn’t have believed you.

For so long, I didn’t even know tokophobia had a name. It was just this silent, shameful pulse beneath everything, shaping my choices in ways I couldn’t see.

That’s why this first episode of Tik-Tokophobia matters so much to me.

Because, as you’ll hear, the fear of pregnancy and birth isn’t something you can “think your way out of”. It isn’t about being squeamish or overly anxious, or not “liking children”. It’s deep, physical, and at times, utterly overwhelming — and yet almost no one talks about it.

Why Does This Fear Matter?

When you don’t know what you’re dealing with, you end up believing all sorts of things about yourself. For me, tokophobia showed up not just as terror at the sight of those two pink lines, but as a constant, background dread that crept into my relationships, my sense of who I was, and, as JJ shares so honestly, even our ability to follow through on our creative dreams.

If you’re here, you might have felt something similar — or seen it in someone you care about. Maybe you’ve been told it’s “just nerves” or “not maternal”, or perhaps you’ve spent years quietly avoiding any conversation about babies or birth.

In this opening episode, JJ and I lay our stories bare — the relief after miscarriage, the confusion of not understanding what we were feeling, and the lifelong sting of not having the words, or the support, we needed.

What We Talk About in This Episode

This episode isn’t about shock or drama. It’s about honesty, hope, and the truth that our stories deserve to be heard — especially the ones hidden in plain sight. Here’s what you’ll find inside this first conversation:

The Hidden Cost of Tokophobia
Both JJ and I share how tokophobia quietly shaped — and, let’s be honest, limited — our lives for years. For JJ, not knowing about tokophobia meant decades of creative frustration, broken relationships, and a silent sense of loss that made no sense until recently. For me, it was sheer terror and a belief that I was somehow “broken”, unfit for motherhood, or just not cut out for “normal” life milestones.

“You’re Not Broken — You Just Haven’t Been Heard”

We talk about the deep misunderstanding out there — not just among friends and family, but among doctors, therapists, and even those working in women’s health. Tokophobia isn’t rare. It isn’t a quirk. It’s a genuine anxiety disorder, rooted in trauma for many of us, that deserves to be recognised and supported.

Loss, Shame, and the Strange Relief of ‘Escape’

One of the most painful parts of this episode is the honesty about how miscarriage or the “chance” to avoid birth can bring relief, not just grief. It’s a taboo that needs to be named, because hiding it just makes it fester.

It’s Not “All in Your Head” — It’s in Your Body, Too

We explore how tokophobia isn’t just a mindset or limiting belief that you can fix with affirmations. It lives in your nervous system, your body — sometimes even shaped by your own birth experience. These are themes we’ll return to again and again, along with why traditional therapy so often falls short.

This Isn’t Just a “Baby” Conversation

Perhaps the hardest realisation, and the most freeing, is that tokophobia isn’t just about having children or not. It can show up in our work, our creativity, our relationships — sometimes in ways that make no obvious sense at first. If you’ve ever struggled to finish things, or avoided “birthing” any new idea, this conversation could open unexpected doors.

Why This Episode Matters for You

If you’ve been carrying a fear of pregnancy, or if you feel “other” around the idea of birth or babies, you’re not alone — not even close. You may have spent years wondering why you can’t seem to fit, or why certain conversations make you want to run for the exit. There’s nothing wrong with you.

What’s missing is understanding, language, and support. That’s what we’re building here, episode by episode.

This Post Is Just the Beginning

This blog gives you a taste of what we open up about in Episode 1. The real power lies in the stories you’ll hear — the relief, the rawness, the laughter, and the “oh, that’s me” moments.

If you’ve ever felt paralysed by pregnancy panic, or found yourself unable to talk about these fears with anyone, give this episode a listen.

This is your reminder: you’re not “just anxious”, you’re not failing, and your story deserves space.

👉 Listen to Episode 1: Why We’re Doing This

If you want to go deeper, or if you’re a professional looking for practical tools, I’ll point you towards our white papers – “Fear Sells (But It Doesn’t Serve)” and “The Case for Reproductive Anxiety Disorder” – as well as our RAD Responsible™ initiative. But for now, just let the conversation land.

With love,
Alexia x

P.S. I’d love to know what resonates for you. Share your thoughts in the comments, and if you find this helpful, please share with anyone who needs to feel seen.