What if your fear doesn’t have a name? The power of finally putting words to what you feel
Alexia cleared her own tokophobia and developed a method that has helped women clear theirs for more than 10 years.
I spent years struggling with a fear that nobody seemed to talk about. You know the kind – the thing you barely dare to admit, even to yourself, because it feels too strange, too intense, too lonely. For me, that fear was of pregnancy and childbirth. Tokophobia. Except I didn’t have that word for it, not when I needed it most.
I remember the exact moment I saw those two pink lines on a pregnancy test.
It wasn’t joy, or tears or the sense of promise so many women are told they should feel. For me, it was a gut punch. My world collapsed in an instant. I didn’t know what to call that feeling – only that it wasn’t normal and it wasn’t something I could explain to anyone, not even to myself.
This episode of Tik-Tokophobia is close to my heart because we’re giving a name to that nameless moment.
If you’ve ever felt yourself freeze, collapse or spiral when faced with the possibility of pregnancy – even if you can’t quite describe what’s happening – this episode is for you.
Why words matter (more than you think)
In our conversation, JJ and I explore why it’s so difficult to talk about the reality of living with tokophobia and reproductive anxiety disorder (RAD), the name I’ve given to what I’ve observed in my clients. There’s heartbreak in not having the right language. There’s confusion, shame and the constant sense that you’re losing touch with your own experience, simply because you can’t explain it – not even to people who love you.
So, what if we gave these hidden moments a name? What if you could say “I had a dilinea” or “I went through a cass” – and someone else nodded, understanding?
What we cover in this episode
Together, JJ and I share the messy, honest truth about what it means to live through this fear. But don’t worry – we don’t spend the hour repeating “two lines on the test” like a broken record. Instead, we dig deep into why naming our experience matters – for healing, for connection and for hope.
In this episode, you’ll hear about:
1. The two lines moment: when your reality shatters
That split-second on seeing a positive pregnancy test when your heart drops and your sense of self seems to split in half. We talk about how this moment feels physically and emotionally – and why it deserves more than a hushed whisper or a shrug.
2. New language for an untold experience
We introduce two new words (yes, we made them up!) to capture these core moments: dilinea for the creeping awareness something is profoundly off, and cass for the sharp, world-shattering collapse when it all becomes unbearably real. You’ll hear how each word was created, what they mean and why that matters – not just for us, but for women everywhere.
3. Why we feel alone – and why it isn’t your fault
There’s such power in realising you’re not the only one who’s felt this collapse or creeping dread. We talk about how isolating it is when no one else talks about tokophobia, why shame keeps so many women quiet, and what happens when we start to speak up.
4. The possibility of healing
Naming something can be a first step to changing it. I share how finding the right words helped me, and why talking out loud – even if just with one trusted person – can make a difference. JJ and I discuss the importance of community, honesty and the freedom that comes when you stop hiding.
Why this matters to you
If you’re living with reproductive anxiety, if you’ve ever felt your heart stop at the thought of pregnancy, or if you simply want to understand someone in your life who’s struggling, I hope you’ll listen to this episode.
You might not recognise yourself in every detail, but you’ll come away with a new language – and maybe, a sense that you’re no longer carrying it all alone.
You are not weird, strange or the only one. What you feel has a name now, and it matters.
This post is just a companion – the real connection happens in the episode. Listen in to hear our stories, the thinking behind dilinea and cass, and why finding these words can be the start of something new.
Listen to dilinea + cass
And if this resonates, share your own story – your own dilinea or cass – with me.
We’re building something together: a language for the experiences women were told to hide.
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About the author: Alexia Leachman has specialised in tokophobia and reproductive anxiety since 2015, and has personal experience of tokophobia. She is the founder of Fear Free Childbirth and hosts its podcast. She developed the Head Trash Clearance Method, which she uses in her work with women and teaches to perinatal professionals. She is the author of Fearless Birthing and Betrayed By Your Biology and a contributor to Childbirth, Midwifery and the Media. Alexia cleared her own tokophobia before the birth of her first daughter in 2010. More about Alexia ›
Fear Free Childbirth is a publication and is not a substitute for medical or mental-health care. If you’re struggling to cope or in crisis, please contact your GP, midwife or a qualified professional.
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