When I was pregnant for the first time, I remember vividly coming back from that first doctor’s appointment. It was the one where the doctor said to me “yes you’re pregnant!”. So now I’m a bit dazed and in shock, and she says to me “well, congratulations! I’ll probably next see you with baby. Good luck!”
And I remember thinking WHAT?! What do you mean you’re only going to see me after baby’s born?! Who’s going to look over me? Of course it was the midwife, but I remember feeling completely abandoned in that moment and slightly panicky. Like I needed help being pregnant. It seems silly looking back, but I’m sure I wasn’t alone in feeling this. What I think I needed in that moment was to fast forward in time and listen to the chat that you’re about to hear that I had with today’s guest. Today I’m speaking with Kicki Hansard who’s a bit of a legend in the birthing world.
Kicki is a certified birth and postnatal doula with experience in all aspects of pregnancy, childbirth and early parenting. During the last 12 years, she has been preparing couples for the arrival of their baby and supported many of them through the birth and postnatal period. Kicki is also a doula course facilitator and has trained over 500 aspiring doulas.
Kicki has studied with Ina May Gaskin, Sheila Kitzinger, Dr. Jack Newman and the “grandmothers of all doulas”, Penny Simkin and Phyllis Klaus.
In 2005, she took part in a television programme called “Mum + One” about doulas, which can still be seen on the Discovery Home & Health Channel. Kicki was also rewarded the Pregnancy & Birth Magazine and Doula UK award “Doula of the Year” in 2009, the first and only time this award has been presented.
Kicki is a chapter contributor to the Amazon #1 bestseller, The Roar Behind the Silence and has just launched her own book, The Secrets of Birth.
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She was also invited to contribute to the UK government initiative 1001 Critcal Days at the Houses of Parliament which is about helping to improve the 1001 days from conception to when a child is 2 years old.
Kicki believes that birth is a truly normal, and at the same time, deeply profound event that is optimised by personalised support defined birth goals with flexibility built in and a solid education. Her goals are to instill confidence with true information, equipping women and families for the work of labour, birth and the postnatal period and to understand each family’s unique needs and birth goals.
During my chat with Kicki we really dance about the whole pregnancy, birth and motherhood thing, but what makes it so great is that you really get a sense listening to Kicki of her philosophy when it comes to pregnancy, birth, and motherhood; and it’s the same for both.
Be open and flexible. Know your choices – so do your homework – but trust yourself.
Trust your innate wisdom to do what’s right for you and for your baby.
There are no shoulds just go with the flow and be flexible to respond to each moment. And be ok with just being ok.
It’s really liberating!
Pregnancy birth and motherhood
Some of the things we talk about include;
- Using birth and pregnancy to find out more about yourself and use what you learn in other parts of your life
- Why its important to be flexible and open in your mind when it comes to birth and motherhood
- The futility of the fight against wanting it to be normal. It being birth or motherhood. She says “it was the struggle that was painful, not what was going on around me. When I accepted it and enjoyed it, it became easier.”
- Being open to finding a new “normal” in motherhood and the lessons for us to learn in being flexible
- Why our need to control things is damaging. “You can’t control birth. Once it starts, it’s about going with the flow. Just like being a parent!”
- The dangers with writing a Birth Plan and why we need to think about our birth plan differently