If you’re reading this, chances are you know that feeling — the gnawing fear that creeps in whenever pregnancy or childbirth comes up.
Maybe you’ve always known you were scared of birth, or maybe it’s only just now showing itself, as you watch friends start families, or your partner wonders aloud about the future.
For me, it was realising just how much of my life had been quietly shaped by tokophobia, even before I found the words for it.
This topic isn’t just theoretical for me. It’s lived — in the small decisions I made about relationships, in the way I’d freeze at the mere mention of babies, in the heavy uncertainty that hit every time I had to face my own “biological clock.”
That’s why this episode of Tik-Tokophobia feels so profoundly important. Because the “healing journey” of tokophobia isn’t neat, and it certainly isn’t the same for every woman. Yet these stories, and these experiences, matter — and they deserve to be named out loud.
In this episode, JJ and I open up about the winding, sometimes messy process of healing from tokophobia. We talk about the unspeakable decisions so many women face — like whether to become a mother, whether you can even contemplate being pregnant, or what happens when you’re suddenly faced with those two lines and no-one has ever told you what this fear really is.
What We Talk About in This Episode
Whether you’re just discovering your fear, have lived with it for years, or have no idea if you’re “allowed” to call it tokophobia, you’ll probably hear something in this episode that resonates.
Here are a few of the big themes we explore:
1. There’s No Single Starting Point
For some women, the journey begins with finally finding a name for what’s been wrong — and just naming tokophobia can be a critical first step.
For others, it only shows itself when pregnancy becomes a real possibility, or even after you’re already pregnant. There’s no one “right” way to begin addressing this fear — just the place where you are right now.
2. The Hidden Decisions Behind the Fear
Tokophobia isn’t “not wanting kids.” Although it could be.
We talk about what it’s like to not know whether you actually want children, or if fear has been quietly driving your decisions. That push-pull between longing and dread can show up every month, every time your period arrives, or the subject comes up with your partner.
Sometimes we don’t realise until it’s almost too late that the fear was what shaped our path.
3. It’s Not Just About Babies — It’s About Identity
This episode dives into how tokophobia can affect your ability to show up in other areas of your life, too — your creativity, your sense of purpose, even being seen in your work. I share stories from women who, after addressing their birth fears, found themselves suddenly freer to create and thrive in ways they’d never anticipated.
Healing is often about so much more than pregnancy — it’s about reclaiming who you are.
4. The Winding, Non-Linear Healing Journey
We use the metaphor of a train route: everyone gets on and off at different stops, and your journey may involve difficult phases — deciding if you want to try for a baby, working through fears of intimacy, managing panic at each step, or even wrestling with fertility treatments.
Wherever you are, you’re not “late” or “behind.” You’re just on your own path, and that’s okay.
5. Wanting Support That Actually Gets It
Both JJ and I have been infuriated by how little understanding there is among professionals about reproductive anxiety. So many women end up educating their own doctors, or are told their fears are “strange” or simply unheard of.
You are not alone — and you shouldn’t have to walk this road without support that genuinely sees you.
Why This Matters
Whether you’re buried in dread, quietly curious if this is you, or have already tried everything to make the anxiety go away, please know: you’re not crazy, and you’re absolutely not alone.
This healing journey can be slow, twisty, surprising, even years in the making — and, as we share in this episode, there are as many ways through as there are women living it.
If you’ve ever delayed making a decision because you just couldn’t face pregnancy…
If you’ve felt relieved and ashamed at the same time when your period came…
If you’ve only just discovered that there’s a name for this fear…
This episode is for you.
Listen In and Take What You Need
This blog post is only a companion — the conversation JJ and I share in the episode holds the honest, unfiltered stories and practical insights that could be the thing that helps you feel less alone.
I hope you’ll tune in, take what resonates, and remember: there is a way through this. And it starts with naming what’s really going on.
Listen here
If you’re ready to explore further, have a look at our white paper, The Case for Reproductive Anxiety Disorder — it just might help you feel seen in a whole new way.
Alexia supports families planning pregnancy and birth. She helps them to overcome their fears and feel calm and confident about birth and pregnancy.
Alexia also trains birth professionals in the Fearless Birthing, a unique approach to birth preparation that is ideal for those who have fears around birth.
- When Fear Takes Over: The Abortions We Don’t Talk About - 30th September 2025
- Tokophobia and Relationships - 22nd July 2025
- I Thought I Was Just Anxious — Until I Learned What Tokophobia Was - 17th July 2025
