For as long as I can remember, I’ve lived with a gnawing, wordless sense of dread around anything to do with pregnancy, birth, or even just the idea of becoming a mother. And yet, for years, I had no idea what to call it. I just knew that every time someone mentioned babies, family planning, or “when are you going to start trying?”, my insides turned to stone and my mind quietly shut down.
If you’ve felt that too, this episode of Tik-Tokophobia is especially for you.
Why “RAD” Matters (And Why We Need a New Language for Fear)
In this episode, JJ and I open up about something I’ve been wanting to name for a long, long time: Reproductive Anxiety Disorder (RAD).
This isn’t just about tokophobia — the fear of childbirth — though that’s a huge part of it.
RAD is what happens when fear, trauma, and anxiety around the whole reproductive journey get pushed down so deeply into your nervous system that it shapes everything: your choices, your relationships, even the way you feel in your own body.
For so many women, it goes unspoken, mislabelled or dismissed as “just anxiety” — simply because there isn’t a proper name for what you’re living through.
In this episode, we finally give it one.
What We Dive Into
I may get a bit fired up in this conversation, because it feels like we’re finally exposing something that’s been hiding in plain sight.
Here’s some of what we explore together:
1. RAD: More Than Just Fear — It’s a Full-Body Experience
If you’ve ever tried to “think positive” or been told to “just relax, women have been having babies forever” and felt like screaming, you’re not alone. We talk about how RAD is not just a mindset issue — it’s a nervous system response. It lives in your body, not just your head.
2. The Persistent, Extreme, and Irrational (Except It Isn’t)
We pull apart why this fear isn’t “just a phase” or the result of overthinking. RAD often feels like it’s been there forever — long before you even considered having children. It isn’t rational, but it’s very real. And as we discuss, it often feels utterly extreme — not an “8 out of 10” fear, but a total “20 out of 10”. If you know, you know.
3. The Heartbreak of Not Being Seen (By Doctors — Or Anyone)
This one gets me every time. We share honest stories of seeking help, only to be told “just have a baby and you’ll be fine,” or having your fear chalked up to hormones, stress, or not being “mummy material.” Not only is this dismissive, it can cost women the support they truly need for years (sometimes decades).
4. The Ripple Effect: How RAD Shapes Your Choices
From avoiding relationships and intimacy, to steering clear of any conversations about babies, to letting life milestones drift further and further away — RAD impacts everything. JJ and I both talk openly about how this showed up in our lives, and how we only saw the full picture in hindsight.
5. There Is a Way Forward — And You Are Not Broken
This isn’t just about naming a problem. We believe that RAD is healable. Yes, even if you’ve lived with this fear for years. One of the most powerful things you can do is give your experience the right name and the right context — to realise you’re not alone, you’re not “just anxious,” and there are ways to feel better.
You Are Not Alone
This is honestly a big conversation, and one that can bring up all sorts of old pain, longing, and hope. If you’ve been secretly avoiding those baby showers or dodging family planning talks for years, please know — you’re not weird or weak. You’re living with something real, and you deserve support that understands the whole of you.
If anything in this episode resonates, or if you find yourself thinking “wait, this is me…” — I can’t recommend enough giving it a listen.
We also touch on the white paper “The Case for Reproductive Anxiety Disorder”, which you can find on fearlessbirthing.com or at tiktokophobia.com if you want to dig even deeper.
I truly believe that the more we talk about this, the less power fear has over our lives — and the more hope we can bring to each other, one story at a time.
🎧 Listen to the full episode here
Let me know what comes up for you, or reach out if you just want to know you’re not the only one feeling this way.
With warmth and solidarity,
Alexia x
Alexia supports families planning pregnancy and birth. She helps them to overcome their fears and feel calm and confident about birth and pregnancy.
Alexia also trains birth professionals in the Fearless Birthing, a unique approach to birth preparation that is ideal for those who have fears around birth.
- When Fear Takes Over: The Abortions We Don’t Talk About - 30th September 2025
- Tokophobia and Relationships - 22nd July 2025
- I Thought I Was Just Anxious — Until I Learned What Tokophobia Was - 17th July 2025
