“I never expected a conversation about tokophobia to shatter what I thought I knew… about myself, JJ, and just how far-reaching this fear really is.”
When I first met JJ Stenhouse, she was a fellow presenter on UK Health Radio, a fellow truth-teller, and — like me — someone who cared deeply about shining a light on what gets missed in women’s health.
But I genuinely wasn’t prepared for what happened when JJ heard the word tokophobia for the first time. Sometimes, when you’ve been living with an invisible fear for decades, it takes just a few words, or a candid conversation, for everything to fall into place — and that’s exactly what happened here.
This episode of the Tik-Tokophobia podcast is special because we get to hear a very rare perspective on tokophobia; finding out you have it post-menopause.
In this honest, emotional, sometimes raw conversation, JJ shares her story — realising, at 68, that she’d spent her whole life shaped by a fear she didn’t even have language for.
Here’s what you’ll find in this episode:
What If Your Fear Had a Name — All Along?
JJ’s story begins, as so many do, with confusion and questions. She always thought she was just “not mother material,” or simply unlucky with relationships and creative projects that never quite came to life.
Hearing the words “traumatic birth” and “tokophobia” was the spark — suddenly, fragments of her story made sense in a way they never had before. We talk about what it felt like for her to realise that so much of her life made sense… when she finally had the right name for her fear.
When the World Tells You to “Just Get On With It”
It’s hard enough carrying anxiety you can’t explain. JJ describes what it’s like to go through miscarriage, to be dismissed by doctors, to lose relationships — all while telling herself she should be “over it by now.” Her honesty in talking about denial, unprocessed anger, and the complex, unspoken grief that trailed her into menopause will strike a chord with anyone who’s ever felt trapped by their own biology.
Tokophobia Is Not Just About Babies
One of the most powerful moments for me in this whole conversation is hearing JJ talk about her creativity.
Tokophobia didn’t just mean not having children — it meant not being able to “birth” projects, books, or even parts of herself. It’s a reminder that, for women, what we fear about our own bodies often spills over into every corner of our lives.
There’s a reason we say that reproductive anxiety is about much more than motherhood.
The Freedom of Clarity — and the Simplicity of Healing
A turning point in JJ’s story is so simple, but so important: naming the fear is a huge part of healing it.
She talks about the process with fierce honesty—how once she decided she was done with this lifelong anxiety, things shifted. Creativity flooded back, her relationships changed, and she could finally soften around babies and mothers in a way she’d never been able to before. If you worry it’s too late for you, JJ’s journey shows otherwise.
This Is More Common Than You Think — And You Are Not Alone
After recording, I couldn’t stop thinking about the women who will recognise themselves in pieces of JJ’s story. If you’ve ever avoided holding babies, struggled to finish creative things, lost relationships, or simply felt “different” around motherhood — listen to this episode.
Tokophobia can shape lives from the inside out, and for too long, women have been made to feel weird, broken, or unloving because of it.
If you’re here, maybe you see yourself in JJ’s words — or maybe you just want to understand why fear of pregnancy is more than “just nerves.” This episode is for you. Your story matters. There is a name for what you’re going through, and you don’t have to carry it alone or in silence.
👉 Listen to the episode here
And if you want to go deeper, check out our foundational white paper, “The Case for Reproductive Anxiety Disorder,” or discover the RAD Responsible™ initiative for safer, more compassionate conversations about birth and trauma.
You are not broken. You’re not alone. You deserve to know what’s going on inside you—and that there’s a way forward.
With warmth and solidarity,
Alexia x
P.S. This blog is your companion. The full heart of this story belongs in the episode—listen when you’re ready, and bring your gentle curiosity with you.
Alexia supports families planning pregnancy and birth. She helps them to overcome their fears and feel calm and confident about birth and pregnancy.
Alexia also trains birth professionals in the Fearless Birthing, a unique approach to birth preparation that is ideal for those who have fears around birth.
- The Root of Toko: What If the Fear Didn’t Start With You? - 10th June 2025
- JJ’s Tokophobia and Its Hidden Impact on Creativity and Relationships - 3rd June 2025
- I Thought I Was Just “Anxious” — Then I Found the Real Root - 27th May 2025
