Most people don’t talk about what fear of pregnancy does to your relationships. Not the safe, surface-level worries (“What if we’re not ready?”), but the deep, gnawing anxiety that shapes every conversation, every argument, every silence.
For me, tokophobia was the unseen guest at the table. Years before I knew its name, before I knew you could heal this fear, I look back and realise how it had been quietly shaping the course of my life – especially in love and friendship.
I couldn’t always explain why I didn’t want to talk about children, or why I seemed stand-offish when the conversation crept too close to babies or birth. All I knew was a tightness in my chest, and a sense that something was very, very wrong.
In this week’s episode of Tik-Tokophobia, JJ and I get vulnerable about how the fear of pregnancy and birth seeps into relationships of all kinds – not just romantic ones, but friendships, family ties, even the ways we talk to ourselves.
What We Cover in the Episode
Neither of us holds back in this conversation. JJ shares painfully honest stories of how tokophobia contributed to the breakdown of significant relationships, and I open up about the ways fear interrupted moments that should have been joyful or intimate.
We talk about the things we wish we’d known sooner, and how fear made both tough decisions and easy conversations so much harder than they needed to be.
This isn’t a topic we could ever compress into a simple list, but if any part of you feels unseen or misunderstood about your fears and what they’ve done to your relationships, I want you to know that you’ll find yourself in these stories.
1. Fear Can Be the (Silent) Third Wheel in Your Relationship
Whether it’s the partner you love or the “future family” you’re supposed to want, tokophobia often shapes what you can say, what you can hope for, and what you allow yourself to imagine.
We dig into why so many women (myself included) avoid the “baby” conversation for years – not because we’re careless, but because even the thought can feel like a panic button being pressed. Sometimes, what looks like indecision is really just survival mode. If you recognise yourself in that, you’re not alone.
2. Intimacy Isn’t Just About Sex – It’s the Space Where Fear Hides
We talk honestly about how fear doesn’t just show up under the bedsheets. For some women, it makes sex stressful or off-limits (the anxiety about “what if?” always lurking). For others, like JJ, sex is fine – but emotional closeness, the real merging of two lives, is what suffers.
If you feel yourself holding back, or notice a “gap” in how close you can let someone get, it might not be your fault. Tokophobia knows how to build walls you can’t always see.
3. Friendships Change – Sometimes for Good, Sometimes Not
One of the toughest parts of this episode? Admitting that as friends move on to motherhood, those connections can shift or fall away. Sometimes, it’s your fear making you pull back. Sometimes, it’s their own discomfort or lack of understanding. Either way, grief can be part of the journey.
We talk about the quiet heartbreak of watching friendships fade, and why that’s rarely talked about in mainstream conversations about pregnancy anxiety.
4. Your Family Might Not “Get It” – And That’s Painful
If you’ve ever felt judged, misunderstood, or pressured by your mum, your in-laws, or anyone else, you’ll see yourself here. We talk about the ways family dynamics can get tangled up in reproductive fears, and what happens when someone else tries (and fails) to “fix” you.
5. You’re Not Making a Conscious Choice – The Fear Is Making It For You
Perhaps the most important point we hit: if you feel torn, stuck, or confused about whether you “really” want children, you’re not alone. Sometimes, the fear is the decision-maker, even when you consciously want something else. There’s no shame in this, and it doesn’t have to be permanent.
This episode is for you if…
- You’ve ever avoided “the talk” with a partner (or yourself)
- You’ve wondered why some friendships feel harder than they used to
- You feel too embarrassed to admit just how anxious or stuck you are around pregnancy, birth, or motherhood
- You’re desperate for someone – anyone – to just say, “I see you. You’re not crazy.”
And if you’re someone who loves or supports a woman living with tokophobia, I hope our stories will help you understand what’s really going on beneath the surface.
None of this is your fault. You are not broken, and this fear doesn’t have to shape every relationship you have. There is a way through, and talking about it is one of the bravest first steps you can take.
👉 Listen to our conversation on Episode 11 of Tik-Tokophobia here:
Let this episode be your reminder: you’re not alone, and there’s help and hope no matter where you are in your journey.
With warmth,
Alexia x
Alexia supports families planning pregnancy and birth. She helps them to overcome their fears and feel calm and confident about birth and pregnancy.
Alexia also trains birth professionals in the Fearless Birthing, a unique approach to birth preparation that is ideal for those who have fears around birth.
- When Fear Takes Over: The Abortions We Don’t Talk About - 30th September 2025
- Tokophobia and Relationships - 22nd July 2025
- I Thought I Was Just Anxious — Until I Learned What Tokophobia Was - 17th July 2025
